day one.

dear M.

dear M,
your name-
it does the craziest things to my body,
every syllable reminding me
of a time where-
i left the cover up at the door,
exposed myself to the world
because i felt i was special.

your fingers would
fill the spaces between mine,
i never knew before i was whole
that i was empty;
now the emptiness
is leaving me with nothing.

i'm longing to overflow
with something worth it.
i am worth it,
you whispered into the air
and all i felt was
your breath rushing into my lungs
and i felt inflated with love.

you gave me a reason
to appreciate the sun,
you warmed the tundra
that was my blood-
this liquid
chorusing through my insides
is foreign to me.

thoughts i never thought
i could tell another
tumbled out of me like the curls in
a bun-
when we'd lie in bed and you listened
to every thought i thought i'd ever know.

do you know i could never swim
until i drowned in your waters.